viernes, 7 de diciembre de 2012

Señora con 79 años y lumbalgia


  • Desde hace años me duele el lumbago una enormidad. Vengo para que me pida una resonancia a ver que tengo.
  • La radiografía que me trae es completamente normal para su edad.
  • Eso dice mi médico, pero a mí me duele. Algo tengo que tener.
  • ¿Que hace usted en un día normal?
  • Pues lo normal, la casa, los nietos.
  • ¿Lleva usted sola la casa y los nietos?
  • Sí, claro. Pero a los nietos sólo entre las 8 de la mañana y las seis de la tarde. 
  • ¿Y su casa está limpia?.
  • Como una patena. Y mi patio es la envidia de todo el barrio. Mis macetas son preciosas. 
  • ¿Tiene muchas?
  • Como doscientas, y a cual más bonita.

Tras explorarla y comprobar una movilidad envidiable, una pésima musculatura, un abdomen digno de una embarazada de 10 meses, lorzas generalizadas y una contractura eterna por toda su columna lumbar, me pregunta:

  • ¿Qué tengo doctor?
  • Tiene usted una columna tan, tan sana, que es capaz de soportar todas las barbaridades a las que usted le obliga, quejándose muy poco.
  • ¿Y que me tengo que tomar?.
  • Le receto una casa guarra, unos nietos que sean para sus padres, regalar la mayoría de sus macetas y la dieta etíope.
  • ¿Pero como es eso?
  • Pues que contra más limpia esté su casa, a más niños cuide, a más macetas riegue y pode y cuanto más coma, más dolores va a tener usted. 
  • ¡¡¡Pero si yo no como nada¡¡¡. Vamos, lo que como cabe en esta mano. 
  • Hágame caso, la dieta etíope consigue que todos ellos estén delgados ¡¡¡Y ni uno va al endocrino¡¡¡.
  • ¿Y que hago con los nietos, si mi hija y su marido trabajan los dos?.
  • ¿Le pidieron permiso a usted para casarse, trabajar los dos y para tener hijos?.
  • Pues claro que no.
  • Pues lo que ellos decidieron libremente es su responsabilidad. No se puede ser libre para tomar decisiones e irresponsable para colocarle las consecuencias a la madre de 79 años.
  • ¿Entonces no me va a mandar pastillas ni pedirme una resonancia?
  • ¿Le han servido algunas de las pastillas que le ha recetado su médico de cabecera?.
  • Pues no
  • ¿Cree que mi Ibuprofeno es más eficaz que el Ibuprofeno de su médico de cabecera?. ¿La resonancia le va a cuidar a los nietos, podar las macetas, limpiar su casa y le va a quitar la grasa que le sobra?.
  • Pues no.
  • Entonces usted debe decidir entre cambiar su ritmo de vida o seguir padeciendo dolores lumbares.

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Hace ya tanto tiempo del último, y a mí yo creo que me ayudaban mucho!

Anónimo dijo...

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Gracias!